If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
