Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
