i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
