If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
