You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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