Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This is the high leading the old right now
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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