The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
