your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
