Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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