I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
