i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
