just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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