I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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