I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
