We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
