wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
