I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
