you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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