Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
