Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
