i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize