I'm really into asian looking animals
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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