it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
