i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
