I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
