tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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