all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Randomize
