very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
