It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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