The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
