my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
