Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
