it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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