Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
