Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize