you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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