I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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