OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
