I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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