so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
