I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
