No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
