Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
