My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
