Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
