No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
