my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
