I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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