well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
