There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
