I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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