i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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