Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize