I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
