You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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