Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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