just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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