dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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