in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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