New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
